Speaker 0 00:04 Hi and welcome to. That makes total sense. The podcast where we talk about faith, finance and everyday life in a way that makes total sense. I'm your host Alexis city. On this podcast, you'll hear the personal stories of friends I'll be interviewing who are doing familiar things in new and innovative ways. We'll answer questions specifically about money and our relationship with it, and we'll explore faith and Bible teaching together. In all of these. It's not about changing our convictions as much as it is about messing with our methods. We'll have a lot of moments here together where we pause and say, that makes total sense.
Speaker 0 00:44 Hi, I'm Alexis <inaudible> and welcome to that makes total sense. Today our guest is Christie Hayes. Christie is one of the founders of be strong story, and when I very first saw the message of her company, I fell in love. The tagline that they use is be strong, protect the weak, love everyone, and that is just a message that I think we can all get behind. It challenges us, it inspires us and I can't wait for you to hear the story of how that all began with her family. And a simple lunchbox note that her husband wrote, Christy, while she's the founder of this company, now that I'm sells apparel with their messaging and has a new family coaching aspect, Christy has made those very words her life mission. She has worked with youth, she has worked on Capitol Hill, she has been on mission trips and she talks about one of those very special ones she took to Lebanon and by the end of that story we were both in tears.
Speaker 0 01:51 So I'm so excited for you to hear from Christie today. And just a little bonus for our listeners. Christie has offered us a discount code to her shop and so one of the things that they sell is apparel. I love my sweatshirt. My girls love their tee shirts and so she's offering us 15% off apparel on her site. Be strong story.com and the code is be loved 2020 that's all one word. So 15% off of apparel, be loved, 2020 all one word and that same code be loved 2020. We'll also get you an incredible 50% off of their family coaching and that just started. Christie's going to tell you all about it. It's a really tangible way for your family to take that message and make it personal for you. So take advantage of those codes. Visit be strong story.com and enjoy today's episode with Kristy Hayes. Hi everybody and welcome to that makes total sense. Today we have Christie Hayes from the strong story on the podcast and I cannot tell you how excited I am to have Christie. Hey Christie.
Speaker 1 03:05 Hey, thanks for having me.
Speaker 0 03:06 Oh my goodness. It is really my honor. Thanks for saying yes of course. So guys, I'm Christy and I have a mutual friend in Michelle McKinney. Michelle actually was on my podcast. She is was the very beginning episodes, I think they're one and two and then she was on Christie's as well, so that was super fun. Um, but I have actually been a brand follower of Christy and her husband, their family company for a couple of years now. And every time I wear my stuff from their company, I just get compliment after compliment. I get comments all the time. So Christie, can we start there and then we'll kind of go backwards, but tell us a little bit about your brand. Tell everybody about the sweatshirt and the slogan that I'm talking about with your family.
Speaker 1 03:58 Absolutely. Well, first of all, thanks for having me on and let me talk about this and thanks for being a customer. I love it. I love seeing you in our sweatshirt and your kids. It just, every time a family wears our stuff, it just brightens my day. Um, cause that's what we're truly trying to get across is this message that my husband wrote on a lunchbox note. So our entire company is based off a lunchbox note. Um, my, my son was in first grade. He was really struggling on the playground, playground with a friend and we just needed like a little encouragement for him. And at the time my husband had been traveling and if you have any moms out there listening, I don't know about you, but making lunches for my kids is the worst that able into the grocery stores.
Speaker 0 04:38 It's the literal worst. I'm like, I will do any shore all day. I will stand in wash dishes for like three hours but put three lunches in front of me and it's like I want to lose my mind.
Speaker 1 04:48 I know, I know. I know my kids have been making now they've been making their lunches. My little girl, my second one, she's been making her lunch since like four so at the time I was still making the lunches and I told my husband, I'm like, here's the <inaudible>, here's the thing dude. I'm like, they are literally getting cheese. It's some bananas because I'm tired. You're gone all the time and I can't write notes anymore. Like I was trying to be this really sweet mom that wrote notes all the time and powerful notes that would just change their life forever and they probably never read any of them. And so my husband wrote this note to hold in who was struggling. I said, your son is struggling on the playground, um, with a friend. And it's sad about it. And could you write, you know, write a note to him.
Speaker 1 05:26 And the note that he wrote was on just a napkin and it was in Sharpie. And it was very short and sweet to the point. Very, my husband, um, be strong, protect the weak, love everyone that was the note. And he brought that home still in his lunchbox, which he never brings anything home in his lunchbox, which he, cause he never eats. And so he always wants to throw it away. So I don't know, but for some reason he kept that in the, in the lunchbox. And I read it and I was like, this is amazing. Um, this needs to be the motto or a family. And so it, it has been, um, fast forward, we kind of live that out, had friends who, to the power of social media. I was like, we love that message. Can you make us t-shirts? And we said, absolutely.
Speaker 1 06:04 And so we made t-shirts. And, um, we, most of my dreams was to have, um, those who needed a job to screen print for us. And so we found when we moved to Denver, a local shelter that is a homeless shelter. And so they screen print in the back, that's where they employ some of their former homeless. So we have all former homeless, um, that actually screen print all of our stuff. And then we just hired someone at Sox place, um, the homeless day shelter there that ships all of our stuff for us. So we really want to live out our message. So we do apparel. But what we really wanna do is share the message of be strong, protect the weak, love everyone to really the world. And I'm fine with saying that. Um, to families, what are the ways we do that is through podcasts.
Speaker 1 06:43 We, um, I will call it a podcast called be love, where we share stories of those who are loving others in hopes to inspire the listener to do the same thing in their own way, uh, through their gifts, through their talents. I really love seeing, um, women especially and men find their gifts and talents and then share that with the world because that is so, that is so huge. Um, we also do it through family coaching where it's just really, we're teaching on top topics that beamline has kind of had said, Hey, can you help us with this? Um, my former life was in youth ministry and so we've worked with some really awesome families who have taught us a bunch. Um, I am no expert in this. We just, we literally do it alongside our families and it's just things that we're learning along the way and that have worked for us and haven't worked for us.
Speaker 1 07:28 Um, so yeah, we're, um, in March we'll have our children's book out, which is really the story of the napkin note and helping kids really keep their eyes open to people in the playground and you know, um, in the lunch room and helping parents keep their eyes open and their workplace. And we just really want people to, to keep their eyes open to others. Um, in this day and age that's so busy and so packed with our own schedules that we're keeping our eyes open so that we can just share love, um, with others. So yeah, that in a nutshell is kind of what we do.
Speaker 0 08:00 Oh my goodness. This is like, I'm like teary with that and I've heard the story. I mean, I've heard the story, but it's like be strong, protect the weak, love everyone. And just with what you've said, there's so much there. So I want to go back in a minute and kind of touch on some of those, some of those things that you've just said. Um, but my fault, I kind of skipped over. So your family looks like what? So we know Holden sweet boy, but he's not in first grade anymore.
Speaker 1 08:32 Yeah. So Holden is 11 now and he is my sweet boy. He's always had a heart for the homeless. He's my kinda quiet. I'm just just a sweet kid. And then we have Carter Mae who is, um, just life of the party. She's eight and she's into gymnastics and walks on our hands more than she actually walks on her feet. And then we have, I'm grant my husband and then we have two straight cats and a big black lab.
Speaker 0 08:58 Nice. I love it. Thank you. And you guys are in Denver. You guys aren't crawling up here about three years ago. That's great. My husband's actually from the Denver area, little small town close to the airport and he went to Colorado school of mines for his undergrad. So right there and go then. But um, okay. So I'm just feeling like this is just so much, but I love how it's like, I mean it's cool to set out to be a brand and it's cool to sit out to be and to start a company and all that stuff like that is amazing, but it's also super cool to just decide this is going to be our message and then this grassroots movement of people going. Yeah, that actually really is good. So, um, Christie and I were talking before we started and so I have, um, you know, this super cool gray sweatshirt from B strong company in my daughters.
Speaker 0 09:57 So where they were eight or nine at the time and they, I didn't make it a big deal. I just thought it was a cool sweatshirt. It really fit what I try. Also tried to live out in my life and I thought it was great message and just threw it on one day going to the gym and my girls were like, mom, I love that shirt. Can we have one? Like they build their twins, they start as, can we have one? Can I have it? I'm like, Oh yeah, for sure. But it just like started this conversation so I can see even in my family how, what you're talking about. Like it just, the message just grew. Like people latched onto it and they're like, yes. Like all of those things. Like all of those things. Yes. And so talk to, talk to us a little bit about like what that journey looked like for you. You know, break that down a little bit for us. How it went from a napkin note to now you guys are doing family coaching. Um,
Speaker 1 10:56 you know, I think I'm an entrepreneur by heart, so I like love coaching. I've coached, Oh, high school basketball, I've coached, I've been a fitness trainer before. I love seeing people, like I said, user gifts and talents to share with the world and to see them make impact when maybe they didn't know that they could make impact. And so that's always been kind of my heart. Um, I love new things. I love the challenge of new things. Like to be able to share this message with others. Why would we keep this to ourselves, you know? Um, we need to share it. And that's kind of just been my motto is like anything that works for me, I want to share with someone else to make their life better. Um, and, and they do it a different way, like the way that we do be strong, protect the weak love every way.
Speaker 1 11:40 It could be different than the way that you guys do it. You know, for us, the be strong. I really wanted to dive into teaching my kids how to be strong in who they are. So if they know who they are, that when some kid, you know, says something bad about on the playground or tells them they're something that they're not, then they don't, they don't believe that they can brush that off. You know, I have so many women that I used to coach who are, you know, 45, 50 years old and they're still believing the lies that someone said about them when they were in seventh grade. And so I really, really think, um, a huge part of all this is identity. And so for us as a family, it's me teaching my kids to know what God says about them and to know who they are and who I think they are.
Speaker 1 12:23 So, you know, one of the things that I try to do is just speak over them every day. You're kind, you're brave and you're loving. I saw you do this today and I love this about you. I'm just kind of speaking that over them. Sometimes it's embarrassing to my daughter, you know, when she's getting out of the car and like you're this, you're that just so that she remembers. So if someone says something untrue that she doesn't take it to heart, um, protect the weak is, you know, protecting those who just maybe need a little light shining on them. I love to tell my kids that they also will be weak. It is okay to be weak. It is okay to ask for help. If you're strong today, then go find someone else that you can shine light on. But if you're weak today, ask for help.
Speaker 1 13:01 And I think society has made those, you know, when we say we can immediately, we think of maybe the homeless person or someone who is, um, doesn't have enough or whatever, those are actually the strongest people that I know. I work with them every week. Um, we get to work with some of those who, you know, the vulnerable people might call the vulnerable, but they are literally the strongest people I know. And so I want to really change, uh, the narrative of what people think is strong and weak and help people be in relationships with those who are vulnerable because that is where your heart changes when you are in relationship. And so protecting the week for our family is literally just keeping our eyes open. We have a saying that says eyes wide, light shine. I say every morning to my kids, but it's keep your eyes open to others around you and let your light shine and if you're feeling weak that day, ask someone else to help you.
Speaker 1 13:50 Um, and then love everyone is really our hardest. Um, I think personally, cause not everyone is easy to love. Um, even with Holden, you know, taking it back to just the playground, a little boy who wasn't treating him so kindly, it was still, we were still called to love him. And the beautiful thing is who that whole story I'm holding stuck with this kid. And they became friends, um, a year later and he just stuck with them. And as much as my mom heart was like, Oh, that kid's not treating you. So kind like you can, you're allowed to leave him. And there's boundaries and all those things. That's another conversation. But he stuck with him and he loved him anyway and he didn't let him, he stood up for himself. But he loved him regardless. And I just thought that was such a beautiful picture of loving someone who isn't maybe giving you that in return.
Speaker 1 14:36 And so, um, I'm writing a book right now just on loving and I'm really trying to explore this. One of the chapter is to love with no agenda and to love fully without expecting anything in return. Um, and everything that I write and everything we do is really something I'm probably struggling with myself. And so it's just helping me like process it and remind it. It's not because I'm an expert and know actually what I'm doing. It's because I'm struggling with it. So, you know, the, the be strong, protect the weak love everyone is just something so simple. We tell every family to steal it or to make up their own family mission. But really, you know, to, to be able to not only say it, but to live it out in little ways, you know, in, in your life.
Speaker 0 15:19 I mean, every bit of that as I'm taking notes, like it's a sermon, just FYI, coach Christie. I mean, I'm just, I'm loving every part of that, but, um, you know, redefining, yeah. Redefining what's, you know, who's strong, not who's strong, but strong and weak. And I'm, I'm thinking about this conversation I had with our youngest on the way to school this morning because he, um, he's adopted and, and there's, there's kind of this phrase that some people in the adoption world like, um, use that I think is a, I think it's a good phrase, but it kind of relates to, um, you're talking about, you know, these people being the strongest ones that you know, but, um, it's, we talk about children from hard places, kids from hard places, and so he's a kid from a hard place. Um, but you know, he was, he was acting in some ways that weren't him.
Speaker 0 16:11 Right. And so I'm kind of getting frustrated as a parent, you know, what do I do? And I'm walking him to school this morning and having these conversations with my stopped. Like I haven't even told my husband this. I, I stopped like on the way to school, we're like in front of the fence. And I just looked at him and I said, listen, you, you know, I'm talking about how much I love him, how much Jesus loves him. And I just said, you are the love kid. So when you're in school, when you're at home, when you think you need to act like something else, you need to remember who you are. You're the loved kid and loved kids, man, loved kids are kind, loved kids, love other people, loved kids, you know. And I just started telling him all of these things at loved kids do.
Speaker 0 17:00 And then I said, listen, your mom is old. And it took me a long time to realize I was the loved kid, you know, and I'm still working on realizing I loved kids, but loved kids love differently, you know, when you know that you're loved. And so just looking at that and like all of these things in like loving everyone. I was, um, so two, two things that came to my mind when you were talking. One was what I just shared in the other one was I had just finished, um, Donald Miller wrote a book a hundred years ago called blue light jazz. And I've read it now twice. I told my husband, this is going to be the book I read at the beginning of every year and I don't reread a ton of books, but this is one of them for me. And there was a section where he was talking about, um, how sometimes metaphor can really poorly how we experience things.
Speaker 0 17:52 So he was talking about hearing a lecture about someone saying, uh, how they were talking about, uh, illness and some illness and some of these metaphors that go along with this particular thing. And then they go into love and he says, um, and he said, a lot of times we talk about love and we don't even realize that we're using an economic metaphor. So, but, you know, I'm a, I'm a finance coach. That's part of what I coach them. So that, you know, rang my bell and it was like, you know, we talk about investing and we talk about, um, you know, value and we use kind of all of these words that are related to finances and economy. And he said, it gives us the impression that there's a finite amount, that there's only so much and there should be like a budget, right, for love.
Speaker 0 18:44 But that's really not true. And that's not how God operates. Number one, as his children, that's not how we should think about it or operate, but it's kind of like this societal thing that we kind of use that. And so, and so we end up thinking, if I love this person who maybe is unlovable, like we were talking about or not as lovable, they don't feel very lovable. I'm not going to have enough to give maybe my family or something like that. But that's not how love works. That it's like that. It just multiplies. And, um, and we'll always have, you know, enough love. And so, um, and so I just can totally relate. I think our listeners can totally relate to everything that you're talking about and, and, and those things that you've made for your family to be part of your family mission.
Speaker 0 19:31 We can take those words and personalize them, like you said for us. And what does that make? What does that say about our family? How can our family use those? And so thank you. I'm just like, I'm just loving every bit of that that you just shared. Thank you. It's so good. Thank you. Then I want to talk about like you were talking about the homeless people in your community and, and how you guys as a company really come alongside them and partner with them, um, to produce the apparel that your guys are, are producing and, and so how did that start and how has it impacted your company and how has it impacted the people who are helping you?
Speaker 1 20:18 Yeah, I think that I really want everything in our life to be about our mission. And so one of the, and one of the phrases, you know, we always do like a word for the year or phrase for the year, and one of my phrases a couple of years ago, um, was build on behalf. And what that meant is that everything that I did, whether it be the success of a company or in motherhood or volunteering, whatever, um, that it was always building on behalf of someone else. So if I'm successful in our company, that's because helping someone else be successful. And so that's really kinda been our mission. And yeah, the coolest thing about working with the homeless shelter is I go down there every Wednesday and just kinda check in and I become just such good friends with them. I mean, if you follow our Instagram, you'll see me on Wednesdays and we'll kind of do it.
Speaker 1 21:03 Sometimes I do interviews with them, I did it last Wednesday just of how can people be love and simple ways and they give the simplest things. But those are people who've been on the streets who know that just the simplest thing, like I ask some of my friends, um, what is the simple way that you can share love and, and major, the main things were smile, uh, give your time and look people in the eyes. I mean, it was just so simple, but it was probably so many things that they don't get every day, especially if they're on the streets. And just, it's really just giving people dignity. It's really just seeing someone every, just, everyone just wants to be seen. They want to be known. Um, I remember when my son, he just had this heart for the homeless. It's because we always were, we lived in Oklahoma city and when we lived in Oklahoma city was in the, in the city, we would always pass the homeless under a bridge.
Speaker 1 21:51 And I think that's one thing is like, like getting your kids in an environment where they see this, cause what they don't know, they don't know. And so I think one of the ways that we've fostered our kids' hearts is because they've been around that. If they never saw that, they wouldn't know. And so holding at a very young age saw the homeless and so we would go, you'd want to make these care bags. And one of my, my mentor said, when you make the care bags and you give it to them, ask them their name because not everyone says no one knows their name. And so I remember him being like five years old and we would be driving by and I would hand out the bag and he would be too nervous. But he would, we'd drive by and he'd be like, mommy, don't ask them their name.
Speaker 1 22:28 And I'm like, Oh shoot. And he's like, you need to turn around and ask them their name. And we'd go back around and I would ask you for Dave. And then we would say, you know, we're praying for you or whatever. But just knowing you know, their name. And so that's been such a beautiful thing for me. I have learned more from working, you know, it sounds like people are like, Oh, it's so cool you guys do that for the homeless. I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, but really what they do for me is unbelievable. Like the way that they open my heart, the way that they give me perspective, the things that stress me out when I go there and hear their stories, that falls to the wayside. I mean, when you get, when you step in someone else's story, it's, it opened your heart to things that you've never or known or felt before.
Speaker 1 23:13 And so I always tell people that like, if you are not in relationship with someone that is different from you, you have to, it will change your life forever. And I think they have changed my life forever. Yes. I'm sure that, you know, the extra money and those things are helping them too. But just the relationship. A lot of times I'm the girl who ships our stuff as named blue and I love her and you have to build trust with them. They don't trust everyone. So for a while I was, I don't think she loved me so much. I'm like, I gotta win her. I had to win her over, you know, I'm bebopping in and they just don't trust people. You know, a lot of times people have come in and hurt them or come and been like, Oh, this is our good deed for the day. We're going to come in and serve the homeless and then we're out and they need, they need to know if you're going to stay with them. And so we go to tacos on a Wednesday sometimes and I just hear a story and I'm amazed by her story and I always just think of how much she has been through and what she's done and what she's overcome and how that inspires me to be an overcomer. Um, and so it's just been really cool to mutual, you know, just relationship has been life changing for me, honestly.
Speaker 0 24:14 Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm like, we should, we should talk after, cause we actually moved to Houston from Norman and I grew up, um, in Southern Oklahoma and we went to school, um, in Oklahoma city, you know, in the Norman area. But anyway, but that's something I feel like we saw less in Oklahoma city probably because we weren't in the city proper. We were in the suburbs, but now in Houston, that is something every single day that we see. And actually so years ago when my, when my kids were even younger, we did a very similar, started doing very similar thing that I stole from my friend Whitney, which was yeah we would put, you know, water, cause it's so hot here as we have do water and crackers and we put like a little scripture card, you know, we would make just use index cards and I would let the kids color before they could even ride.
Speaker 0 25:06 And then I would write, you know, Jesus loves you or some sort of Bible verse on there or something. Let them know that we're praying for them. Um, and so it is, it's like a, it's something that we want to teach our kids and then now like, you know, probably a totally different conversation, but now we have signs up that say you don't have to do this. Like there are organizations that we can give to Ben handler, you know? And so it's just like these get kind of political and you know, all of this kind of stuff, but it's like, but we can still find ways to love and show love to the people around us. And I think that those are really good. Like they're, um, there may not be a chance to be able to physically hand something to every person that we see.
Speaker 0 25:46 Um, but like you said, but we can give them a smile. We can, we can ask them their name, we can pray for them, we can do these things that really feels small on the giving and a lot of times, but on the receiving end, you know, I just think even when I've had a bad day, you know, just someone to give me a genuine smile and ask me how I'm doing and are happy if I don't just say fine. You know, like those, those are big ways that we can give and extend. Mmm. What we've been given to someone else. Um,
Speaker 1 26:23 there's no such thing. I was just going to add, there's no such thing as a small way. Like, I would say that, you know, like people always ask me, they're like, well, you just can't do what you do that your business has. And I'm like, you don't have to do what I do. I'm like, I want you to do what you do. Like I want you to use your gifts. Like a lot of people I think get paralyzed because they're like, Oh, I don't have the time. I don't, I don't know how to do this. This feels so uncomfortable. This, I'm an introvert. You know, all those things. And I always say, you do what you do your way. Do you do your personality? And you know what you said, we can get into the old, the rigmarole of, Oh, should I give this and should I not? Should I, you know, all those
Speaker 1 26:59 things that are confusing. And I always just tell people like, just do what feels right on your heart, you know, or ask someone, go to someone else and say, how can I serve? I really have a passion for this. I see that you already do this. What, what can I do? Um, it's as simple as we have a group of families that we get together. We literally go serve every month somewhere. I have a team that sets it up. It's so easy. We call places. Um, we say, what would you, what do you need from us? Um, how can we serve you? And then we put it on the calendar and then we ask other family to come. And sometimes you just need that someone just needs to show up. And then when they show up they're like, Oh my gosh, we just, we actually just went to the homeless shelter and made breakfast for them.
Speaker 1 27:40 And I have people who have never ever set with someone who's homeless or talked with them or had a conversation with them. And it was like mind boggling to them. And like these, these people are just like us. Like we're one paycheck removed from being just like them. And I think that's what people don't get some times as it seems. So us and them and it's not, we are the same people very much. So we have the same many times, similar struggles and similar grief. And it's, it's just we are humans together. And I think I always just want to <inaudible> bridge that gap of we're here to love one another and be with one another in community in a, in a mutually beneficial. There's a guy who I love, um, who writes this book. Um, and I've got to think of it. He is, um, Oh my gosh, I'm going to find the name for you before.
Speaker 1 28:32 But he basically takes, um, those who have been in prison and gives them jobs and those kinds of things. And he writes about kinship and this beautiful thing about this mutual, um, kinship where I'm giving and they're giving and we're receiving and they're receiving and it's not, I come in and serve you and I'm so awesome and those things, but it's this mutual kinship. And I think that is something that has just been on my heart for our community, for the Christian community, that it is a mutual kinship. It is not, I'm better or I've got my stuff together better than you. It is a mutual thing that we can do for each other.
Speaker 0 29:09 Well and, and I, it is a mutual thing and just to, just to kind of add a little bit to that. It's like I think, so there's the one thing like you can say, if I want to serve, I can jump on with someone who's already doing it. That's huge. But it's just like, but even if you're not, you can do exactly what you said. Like call someone and say, what do you mean? And it doesn't have to be some crazy big organization. You can call your neighbor and say what you need, you know, or you can think because you're right, like we all are very similar. You can think if I was in that situation I might need and then ask them, you know, I remember talking about 'em when someone is grieving, how sometimes we just go in and we have a good heart and we go in and say, if you need anything, please call me.
Speaker 0 30:00 But that sometimes if the person either is grieving or if it's just they're going through a difficult time in their life, it's really hard for them to reach out, even though they know they have people in those people. We often have really good hearts and we actually mean it. We actually mean if you need something, call me. But sometimes they get paralyzed. And so sometimes we need to say, um, I'd like to come mow your lawn on Saturday. Would that be okay with you? Or I'd like to bring you a meal, or I'd like to come up and we can think of things that we might need if we were in a similar situation and say, I like to do this for you. Would that be okay? You know? And then I think, you know, when, when we first moved to Houston, we had our babies kind of all at once.
Speaker 0 30:44 And I went through a period where I didn't want people to serve me. You know, there's always like every time somebody has a new baby, everybody brings meals. Right? And I would kind of like back like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. Because in my mind I'm thinking, I am so drowning right now that I cannot bring that next person in meal. Like I cannot pay this back and I cannot pay it forward at this point. And so I had this, again almost this economic thing like, please don't give this to me cause I can't pay it back. And that will, of course, that's this sinner PRI that's like, you know, self-sufficiency, the things, it's all of the things. Um, but we sometimes, you know, it's like we need to be reminded and we need to remind our fellow humans, like you're talking about like you number one, you don't ever have to pay me back.
Speaker 0 31:38 Number two, if you don't pay anybody forward for the rest of your life, it's okay. And three, like we're in this together. Like you're saying, like there's, like you said, there are going to be things and times when I'm strong and things in and times when I'm weak. And the same for you. And it really is just about exactly what you've said, helping each other doing that. But I think sometimes we get a little zipper paralyzed or self conscious. We don't know how to do it, you know, all of this and it's just like, no, we just, for me it was a like get over yourself. Yeah. Cause we don't ask,
Speaker 1 32:13 we don't want to ask for help because of what you said. It is pride, you know, it is, it is, you know, asking for help means that we can't do it all. Um, and that's really hard. I think that's hard for a woman to especially, um, I'm over that. I ask all the time, flip, you have taught me how to ask for help. I'm like, yes. I'm like ask for help all day long. And quite honestly, the person who is being asked for help, that to me is such a joy. Like if someone tells me enough to ask me to do something, I love it. I'm like, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to do that for you because it fills my tank. And so I always tell that to people. I'm like, the person that you're asking actually probably doesn't feel like you're being a burden. They probably are like, I'm so excited that they chose me and trusted me enough to be vulnerable enough to ask. So don't be afraid to ask.
Speaker 0 33:05 Yeah, it's good. It's, it's relational and it's, and it's really, it's powerful. I love it. I'm so sorry. Where we were going to go before that and I love this conversation was I don't want to miss some of your history. And the reason I'm going to ask you to share this with everybody is, um, kind of two twofold, number one, because I think you have a super cool story. And number two, because I'm just thinking if we can help other people get this seed, get this desire planted in them, you know, to not just to want to go do it because I think most of us do. Um, but to kind of shed some of that baggage that might be keeping us from reaching out, you know, so you, you, you were in youth ministry and then, um, and you've taken a lot of like, outside yourself trips, um, before that also, or in conjunction with that.
Speaker 0 34:04 So can you tell us a little bit about kind of like that trip that changed your life and then maybe a little bit of what you used to do in youth ministry and kind of how, because I just feel like it's like some people do, maybe they just wake up one day and they're like, Oh yeah, be strong and protect the Glover. Everyone, boom. Yeah, I'm on it. But like, this is a lifestyle. This is something God had planted in your heart and you, this has been growing in you for a long time. And so now you're getting to share it more widely, but kind of where did that come from?
Speaker 1 34:31 Yeah, I don't, I was not always like this. It's funny because people think I was, um, but deep down I wasn't. Um, so my family was in ministry. Um, I was the church kid, you know, the pastor's kid, um, was a good kid, but never really, truly, I had my own relationship. I think I just wanted to please my parents. Um, I wanted a youth ministry, uh, pretty young and loved it, loved working with students, loved all of those things. Um, we moved to DC for a while and I was like, I think I want to work on Capitol Hill and in the white house. And my husband's like, Oh really? Cause you've never read a newspaper in your life. And so, uh, I was like, hi, and it's fine. You know, Reese Witherspoon did it on legally blind for like, I can do it. So anyway, I ended up working on the Hill for awhile and then I worked in the white house as the precedence for, um, George W. Bush.
Speaker 1 35:20 My husband was in the secret service, so we did all the DC stuff and then I really missed. Um, I loved that. I still volunteered with the white house. That's what I did. I volunteered with their press advance, but after Capitol Hill for a while, I just miss you. So I went back into youth and um, had babies, um, was still working. I, I love to work. And so it was still working as an in youth ministry. We had moved from DC, we lived there for about six years and we did the DC life and just that high paced, kind of amazing. I love every second of it. The adrenaline. It was so great. Um, and then we moved back to Oklahoma city who kind of moved all over. I'm back in youth ministry and I remember there was, um, a certain lint that we did.
Speaker 1 35:59 And I don't know for those of you who've never done Lindt before, all my Catholic friends did it and they like, all I remember is him having to give up chocolate and you know, put the ashes on their head. I had no idea. And I was like, well, I'm not giving up chocolate. I mean, that's ridiculous. So, yeah, right. So evangelicals don't really do it. Like we didn't do that. And so at our church, um, we practice lint, but the thing that he said is I want you to ask God if there's anything in your heart that is not of him. And that's what you give up for lit. And Oh my gosh, I was so arrogant. I was like, Oh, easy peasy. Like I am in youth ministry, I'm coaching kids with youth for Christ. I am doing all these things for God. Like my life is about God.
Speaker 1 36:44 He's not going to find anything in there like I'm good. So I remember praying this prayer so arrogantly and Oh my gosh, it was this, these weeks and months of journaling and God's like, yeah, you, you are all about you. Like you love the accolades. You love doing what? What you say that I for me, you love doing things for me. So people tell you you're awesome. That's why you do it. You actually don't do things for me. You say you do, but you do them for you. And I was like, woo. Like are you kidding? And Oh my gosh, it was the most mind boggling. Horrible but awesome thing. And so I really dug deep in that and didn't really tell anybody about it cause it was so embarrassing. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like I have been doing ministry and I think some of it, yes, I, I loved God throughout there.
Speaker 1 37:33 I was a Christian. I had my quiet time, I looked great, but truly deepen my heart. I loved doing things that were good because I love people praising me. And that is a love language for me. Like I'll always love the affirmation. That's uh, that's my personality. But I needed to know like really deep down why. And then I also needed to keep my hands wide open. My hands were so close where all these things I was doing, the success I was having, if that were to be stripped away from me, I would have been devastated. So God stripped it away and said, if you really want to do this, like if you really want to, if you really want to see what your life could be with me being the center and not you being the center, then we're quitting everything. And so as an entrepreneur, as a dreamer, that's the worst thing that could possibly happen.
Speaker 1 38:17 I quit my job. Um, I literally, people think thought that I think I quit quit because I had my second kid. That is not why I quit. Um, it was literally so that I could spend time with God. And he was like, when the baby's napping, you're not doing housework and you're not dreaming up new businesses, you're doing FNA. And half the time we had another business called wise aid where we were working with compassion international and we were doing these coffee bags and we had partnered with them and we are sending these kids to college through compassionate nationals. We had another business and God just said, you need to like be done with any everything and just know that I am here to satisfy you and not these other things that you do for me. So that's what I did. So for six months I quit everything, sat in my living room and just was in the word every day, journaled every day.
Speaker 1 39:03 It was very, I still don't think my husband even understands it. I mean, he's a believer, but he's like, I don't even get it. Like how, why you had to quit everything. And I'm like, cause I'm all or nothing. Like I couldn't just dabble and stuff, you know? And so God really changed my heart. And I think the thing that he said to me was like, if this is all you ever do, if you never dream again, if you never have another company, if you never do those things, would you be okay with just sitting here with me? And until you're okay with that, then that's where we're going to sit. And so we sat there for awhile and finally I was like, okay, I'm totally satisfied. I knew my hands are open, I don't have to do anything else. Then, then I got to dream again.
Speaker 1 39:41 And so then I started to, I think the first thing I would tell people is find that thing in your heart that's not of him and get it out. And that can be really, um, ugly heart surgery in which it was for me. And then I think the second thing that I would say is the way that your heart starts to open. Because then it's kind of vulnerable. Your heart's like, Oh my gosh, I've got, I've ripped all that stuff out, now it's open. And so then it was now put yourself in relationships with people who are different and who are vulnerable and who, who you can see through my eyes. And so that's when I really started exploring like, you know, I used to say when I was in youth ministry, like youth are just my thing, not the homeless, not the refugee. Not that that's not my thing.
Speaker 1 40:20 And I hear that all the time. Like people will say, well the refugees just, you know, that's just not my thing. Or that's not what I feel called to. Or the homeless is not. I feel called to, and I always challenge that a bit because I'm like, is Jesus called to that? And people are like, yeah. I'm like, well then I'm pretty sure we're called to all that. It doesn't mean I will premise. It doesn't mean you have to start a company for that. It doesn't mean you have to go to Beirut, Lebanon. It doesn't mean you have to do all that. It just means that your heart needs to break for all of it because Jesus has heartbroken for all of it. So we don't, I don't feel like we get to pick and choose what our heart is for.
Speaker 0 40:53 Well it reminds me of like, I love what you're saying is it reminds me of like, like I've heard some pastors, some really wise pastors, they look, there's like, cause okay, I'm just going to say sometimes as Christians we say, I'm going to pray about that. And we actually mean it. And sometimes we say that as a time like we want to, we want to buy some time or we want to use it as a cop out sometimes. And so I have heard some wise pastors say, look, there are some things you don't need to just pray about.
Speaker 0 41:24 Like if you have the option, like you're saying, like wished Jesus called to that, well then we're, we're called to that, you know, like it's like, well, I'm just not sure that I'm to look. No, no, no. You don't have to pray about whether or not you need to try to love your neighbor. Like you need to try to love your neighbor like that. You don't need to, you don't need to pray about what you know. There are some things you don't need to pray about. You just know that you're commanded to do them. And being a follower of Christ means doing those things. And it's like, you know, and, and it's like I had heard, you know, as an adoptive parent, I heard someone on a radio program years ago say, I don't believe every family is called to adopt. And I would a hundred percent agree.
Speaker 0 42:06 But what this guest said is I do believe though, if you're a Christian, you need to pray about it and be open to helping a family who is called, you know, because we are all called to love the orphan. That does not mean you're called to be an adoptive parent, right? Absolutely does not mean you're called to be a foster parent, right? Absolutely. But how can you love and orphan can you give to compassion international? Can you help your neighbor who's a foster parent? Can you do, you know, like any of those things like orphan <inaudible> well that's not my thing. Refugees all, that's not my thing. Well great then don't go to the refugee camp, but can you help someone who is helping them, you know, somehow, how can we, you know, how can we do this or how can we just not have our heart closed to some of those people? And some of those people groups have no sorry, or heart closed.
Speaker 1 42:54 I would say our heart is only closed when we don't know him. So for me, like back in the day, like when I was using Azure, I'm like my, my calling is youth and teaching them about loving Jesus and doing those things. And that was what I was really focused on. And that's great. That's great. Yeah, it's great. However, my heart was not open to the other people groups because I didn't know them and it was really my job to know them. And so the refugee crisis was going on. And I had some moms say, I wish we spent as much time teaching our kids about this than we do about, you know, the parade on Saturday for our school and building this float for five hours. Like, and I'm like, yeah, you're right. That's what we should be doing. And so I really wanted to not, and not to just be stories in the newspaper anymore.
Speaker 1 43:44 I really wanted to know what that looked like. And so I had had on my heart for a long time to go meet with the refugees and we had a friend who took a trip to Beirut Lebanon every year and they worked with, um, a place called heart for Lebanon. And I was like, can I go? And that was the whole thing. My husband, obviously his insecurity, he was in the secret service and has been there many times and was like, you're not going as a blonde woman by yourself. And I'm like, Oh, but I think I am. And he's like, no, I don't think you are. And I was like, Oh yeah, but I think I am. And so anyway, we, I did. Um, but he definitely had someone I'm sure following me at all times. Um, but it was, you know, it was the most incredible experience.
Speaker 1 44:24 I mean, we had drama with that. The coup that happened in Turkey actually happened the day that we were in Turkey. We were the last flight to leave to go to Beirut before the everything shut down and the soldiers came, which we had no clue. We were like completely oblivious. So we get to Beirut and um, yeah, we just, we got to be with the, with the refugees. I got to sit on the floor with a woman who told me about, you know, her husband being kidnapped and she had the decision the next day they came to our house and said, you have to leave or we will kill your whole family. So her decision was, I need to either go look for my husband or I have to flee the country so I can get my children out. And I'm sure that decision will always haunt her.
Speaker 1 45:03 She fled the country. Um, they're now in a foreign country where they're not actually wanted. And just the weeping of her losing her husband, you know, her daughter stroking her hair as she's talking about it. It just, I mean those are moms and daughters, just like my mom, just like I'm a mom and a daughter. And it was so powerful for me to see everywhere that we went. It was a sweet <inaudible> a relationship between moms and daughters. The daughter, the moms would always be the ones to speak about what happened. And the daughters would always be right beside them, either playing with their hair or rubbing their back. And um, it like chokes me up thinking about it, but when I got home, Oh, you're so burdened by that. When you get home, you're like, sell everything. We have to leave, you know, like, you know, and that's, I've definitely understand that we can still have things and give things and you know, do all that.
Speaker 1 45:53 But when you come back from a trip like that, that's so powerful. You're just wrecked. And so I remember just laying on the couch. I was jet lagged and I was just so burdened like why did we get this? And they don't. And, and I have a picture of my little girl just stroking my hand and it was like, okay, she's a daughter. She knows her mom is hurting the same way that the daughter's in Lebanon, in Beirut. No, their moms are hurting. We're the same. We're moms, like our hearts should break for that. And so I think, you know, it doesn't mean you have to go to Beirut, Lebanon to meet the refugees. It means you probably have refugees actually really close to you right now. You just don't know it. Or you have people who, you know, if you say in the more like symbolic sense who just feel left out and they don't feel like they're a part of what's going on in life.
Speaker 1 46:44 Um, there are so many people around us. So I think it's just we have to get, that's my, you know, I always just tell people, get to know people, get out of your comfort zone, know people who are different from you and who have a different life story. And then just sit and ask them to tell them your story. Don't come in and say, I'm going to fix this for you. I'm going to do this. That was my, that was my life for so long. I'm going to fix this. You know, when I came into the homeless shelter a couple of years ago, I was talking to the owner. It was so funny. And I'm like, okay, we're going to get up jobs. We're going to do dah, dah, dah. We're going to do this. We're gonna help resume classes and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. You know, I'm just, I'm fixing, fixing, fixing and I didn't even know anyone.
Speaker 1 47:19 And he said to me, um, that's great. I appreciate your gumption. He was like, but you are here to love them, period. Wow Mike, if anything comes out of it, great use like, but you are here like you are here to walk in this door and to love them even if nothing comes out of it. And I was like, because we still want to fix, we still want to be the savior. We still want to be the server. All those things. And so I'm learning like I'll have to do that. I'm literally called to love and all those other things come from that when you build a relationship. But we are just called to keep our eyes open and to love.
Speaker 0 47:54 I mean it's like Christy and I are both crying just like, it's just like, because we are, we're moms and daughters and it's, it's, we are called to love and it's so great that you had that experience, but you're 100% right when you say, we don't have to go to Beirut, Lebanon to have that experience because probably if you're a parent then you have a child who you can help them look open and see who's sitting by themselves in the cafeteria. Can I go sit by that person? If you're a grownup, you can keep your eyes open and look around and see who might feel left out. That's so good. We, my husband, I don't even know how we came across this organization, but here in town, not too terribly far from us. Um, you know, Houston is obviously a large city. We're an international city and we have a lot of people who are living as refugees, um, in Houston.
Speaker 0 48:58 And so my husband like kind of randomly came across, he was actually looking for a different ministry and found this ministry here in town who is this like small part of the small church and they built a house and they literally taken refugee families one at a time and one at a time. These families live in this house with his, this pastor's family and they help them for, you know, six or eight weeks or whatever it is until they get settled and they love on them. And so we, they were having a dinner and so one night we just are going to go to this dinner and I'm thinking it's going to be kind of like this banquet, like maybe it's, it's like you get to know you kind of dinner and I'm like, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no. I get there. It's a house.
Speaker 0 49:46 We're all around the dining room table. There's like 15 of us or something like that. It was the most, we brought all of our kids. It was one of the most incredible experiences. I realize. And we sat there, we listened to the founder's story about working with the lost boys of Sudan and then we heard the story. It's exactly what we're talking about. We heard this story of this mom and her daughter was sitting there next to her and she was talking about living in a UN camp in a country in Africa. She had fled one country that was war torn friend other and they waited and she waited for 20
Speaker 1 50:26 years
Speaker 0 50:28 until literally until her number came up until her number was drawn at this UN camp. And she flew to Texas and she has family in another state that they're, that they were, you know, off to go see like the following week and they, you know, were going to settle down with them. 20 years
Speaker 1 50:47 living <inaudible>
Speaker 0 50:49 in a tent. In a camp. Yeah. Already in a foreign country. Having fled, you know, had to fly originally was, it was
Speaker 1 50:59 <inaudible>.
Speaker 0 51:00 It was heartbreaking and it was beautiful. And it was, um, something that God really used to grow compassion in our family's hearts. I cried the whole way home and my husband was like, what did you think? And I'm like, I can't think. I can't, you know, I can't think. Um, because we are then it's just like you're saying like, we, we are them and they are S and their family just like, are just like our family, you know? Um,
Speaker 0 51:29 and we can't come home necessarily all of us and just sell everything. We haven't gone moved to my route, so, you know, so it's like, so that's really part of what I wanted to have you on is like in the, in the time that we have remaining, we've talked so much about it, but it's like we can't do that. All of us. And it's not practical and it's not what God's calling all of us to do. Um, but what can we do? What can we do when we have those experiences are when someone hears your experience of being in Beirut and listening to that and their heart is something is tugging at their heart to move, how can they move? What can they do?
Speaker 1 52:07 I mean I think it can be simple things. I think the first thing I said is just asking God what break? You know, what breaks my heart? What, what makes me passionate, what like brings me to tears? What are those things? I think we have to be in the know. I tell people all the time like read the newspaper. Like I don't love the news, the opinions, those things. We actually read the wall street journal. I try to read it every day. It's pretty non opinionated. It just gives me the news. But if I don't know that there's a Le, you know, if I don't know that this is happening in the world, if I don't know, because I'm stuck in my bubble and the busy bubble that we're in, we are busy. I have to make it a point to sit down and read the paper.
Speaker 1 52:45 It's not like I'm just like, Oh, I'll think I'll have my coffee and read the paper. I have so much time. I mean we have stuff to do, but I think it's important. So I think just one of the things is just being in the know, like just know what's going on. Um, I think so many times we have these blinders on our eyes that we get so stuck in what we're going through. And I think one of the beautiful things about knowing really knowing people is it gives us such perspective. You know, I even think of a story where we went to the homeless shelter and um, a guy was telling me that he wanted to get his license and I'm like, well then get your license. And he's like, I know what I have to go to the DMV and it costs this much money and I don't have a car.
Speaker 1 53:18 So then you have to rent a car and that cost money and then I have to take the test and how do I get there to do that? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm just irritated that I have to actually sit at the DMV for a couple hours. That's my whole irritation. I haven't, there's never a thought in my mind like, how am I going to get there? How am I going to pay for it? How am I going to get a license? Like that just it happens. So it just gives me such perspective. Like, you know, when people say things like, Oh, they just need to get a job or this, I'm like, Oh, Whoa. Like if we actually knew people's backstory, we would understand how hard it is for that to happen. And sometimes they, they need help getting that, you know, for that to happen.
Speaker 1 53:55 So I think, um, be in the know, I think asking God truly to dig in your heart for what's maybe not there that should be there. And, um, and then having him open your heart and then just, you know, if you have to say the phrase eyes wide light shine every day, that that's what you say, that everywhere that you look that you even think today like I'm going to get off my phone when I'm standing in line somewhere. Instead of scrolling Instagram at, you know, the post office counter, I'm actually going to look around and meet people's eyes and smile at them and maybe start a conversation. You never know what like one tiny conversation can do for someone else who's having a really bad day or a compliment. I always say, you know, speak your mind. Um, meaning you see someone that's doing something great or if you see an outfit that you love, speak your mind.
Speaker 1 54:46 Tell him that. I love that on you. You're being a great mom. I love how you're wrangling your kids right now. Who you know, in the grocery store, like you've really inspired me. I mean, it's simple little things that we can do, um, to just brighten the day of another. And then I say, you know, as you start to think about, okay, what is stirring me? Is there something specific that is stirring me? Research those places, find place, find people that are already doing these things. You don't have to start something new. There's probably already someone who's doing work with who you want to work with and you just partner alongside them. Um, I think we make it out to be sometimes this huge ordeal and it's really not. It's so simple like loving others is, it can be really simple. Um, so I always just encourage people like, you know, find out what you love and then find ways that you can go do it.
Speaker 0 55:36 Right. Oh my goodness. Thank you. Like all of that is all of that's amazing. And we're running our time with Christie, but Christie, I don't want this to be anybody's last conversation with you. So, I know we talked about it at the front, but can you give us the details of all of the places where we can find you, where we can find your company, where we can find your apparel and where we can engage in your coaching program?
Speaker 1 56:04 Yeah, so be strong story altogether is our Instagram, our Facebook and our website will be strong story.com and you can also find us on podcast B, love podcasts on iTunes and all the places. Um, the thing that we've started this year that I really feel, Oh, it's just going to be so fun. Me. I love teaching. I love connecting with people. If I could get, if I could have coffee with like every single person, it would be my greatest joy. That would be like my superpower. Um, so we started this thing this year called the family coaching network. So it's a monthly subscription where each month, um, families, we basically teach on a topic this month was how to build a family mission. So we teach on a topic and then we give you the tools to do that. And so this year's this month's challenge, it's just one thing.
Speaker 1 56:48 One challenge is to make this family mission with your family. We give you the specific um, PDF guide to do that. And then we put you in a like-minded private community that you guys can talk to one another. And so it's really cool. We just started this year or this month was our first one. You can jump in anytime if you do the whole year, it's only a hundred dollars. If you do the whole year, you get every single month. Even if you start in February or March, um, if you just do the nine 99 a month, you just go month to month and it comes to your inbox every, the 20th of every month. And we, you know, have conversation. We do Facebook lives in there so that we can have contact together. But really it's just having like-minded families who probably feel too busy, who beat themselves up and feel guilty for not being intentional with their kids.
Speaker 1 57:32 Every family wants a serving and loving family. But a lot of times we're like, I don't even like my family today or I'm not able to communicate with them or my teenager's not communicating or you know, I feel like I'm just surviving the day. How the heck am I supposed to find things to do? And so what we do is we Google it and we're like, how to be a good parent and then I'm, all these things come up and it's overwhelming. So we really want to be the one stop shop that you go to that you don't have to search, that everything is is given to you and you can just literally do it with in your family the way that your family's wired, your way.
Speaker 0 58:06 You're like, you're like speaking everyone's language. I feel like right now, because I feel like when we moved we started to be bold and we get on those things. Then we like search Amazon and we have 15 books show up in two days and then we just are tired and we're done. And it's like you have really shown us that it does. I know that you said you're, you're like kind of all in or all out sometimes, but it's like you are you, but you're showing that it doesn't have to be that way for us, for our families, for our parenting where it's not like you either do it perfectly according to like the this book or you don't do it at all. It's like, no, we can do it a little bit at a time and we can do what works for us. And um, it reminds me of in the mornings we say, um, second Peter one verses five through eight in our family and it talks about perseverance and patience and faith and all of these things.
Speaker 0 58:54 And then it says, and if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, and I love that part of the verse because it's just like, we can do this a little bit at a time and grow it a little bit at a time. If we possess these qualities in increasing measure, then it will, you know, all of these things, right? But it's like, I feel like you're speaking that language where it's like it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. It doesn't have to be like you're either all in or you failed. It's like, how can you do this incremental growth that's good for your family and learn, you know, all together at the same time and you're doing it with us, which is so great. Um, and so I'll put all of that in the show notes and then, um, and then our listeners can have a code for both of those things, right? But the apparel and for the coaching. And so I'll put that in there too. Um, so that everybody can have access to that so you guys can try it out at a discount for listening. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you Christie. This has been an amazing conversation. I cannot wait until everybody gets to hear this. I am just so excited about what you've learned and you're willing to share with us and I'm so excited about what you're doing. So thanks for bringing your message to the world. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 0 00:12 So thank you again so much for listening. Don't forget to subscribe so you won't miss an episode. Share the link with your friends. You can visit
[email protected] and until next time, this is Alexis. Be steady, remembering to do well for ourselves so we can do good for others.
Speaker 2 00:32 <inaudible>.
